watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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