You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
