I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
