do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
