Texts From Last Night

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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.

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  (870): These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American. http://tfl.nu/c8e4
  Replies (15) Good night (3876) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.

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  (773): It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out. http://tfl.nu/p4fr
  Replies (16) Good night (5097) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on

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  (512): this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on http://tfl.nu/vnoj
  Replies (22) Good night (3545) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"

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  (970): I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983" http://tfl.nu/egdi
  Replies (31) Good night (801) Bad night (5462) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Every man deserves at least one moment like that

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  (703): She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis (1-703): Every man deserves at least one moment like that http://tfl.nu/aq3j
  Replies (28) Good night (11762) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.

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  (916): It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness. http://tfl.nu/trjv
  Replies (4) Good night (2128) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.

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  (919): No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you. http://tfl.nu/9kp9
  Replies (4) Good night (2588) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.

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  (805): I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up. http://tfl.nu/2z9h
  Replies (10) Good night (1830) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.

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  (508): I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/6qay
  Replies (22) Good night (1380) Bad night (741)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw

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  (303): Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw http://tfl.nu/554g
  Replies (10) Good night (2024) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother

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  (978): Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother http://tfl.nu/l2x9
  Replies (3) Good night (515) Bad night (1419) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.

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  (610): I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city. http://tfl.nu/xrle
  Replies (12) Good night (383) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..

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  (303): That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end.. http://tfl.nu/ockn
  Replies (19) Good night (418) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea

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  (785): They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea http://tfl.nu/7vrt
  Replies (5) Good night (1875) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours

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  (508): Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours http://tfl.nu/2ezn
  Replies (6) Good night (928) Bad night (151) Order T-Shirt

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