im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville