Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
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Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!