I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.