laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
