are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
