someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
