I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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