exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I met the friendliest cop last night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
