it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
