I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She said her name was "party"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
