1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
