Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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