He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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