im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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