I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
