I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
