It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize