U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
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i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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