Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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