JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
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So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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