Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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