I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
