I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Do vagina's smell?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
