I cockslap morals
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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