he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
