WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
