do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
