Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
