Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
