you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
