I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
