if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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