it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
