DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's always time for handjobs
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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