why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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