She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
