I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
