pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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