If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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