You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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