when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
