So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
