The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize