so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
