I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
