Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
