tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
