I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
