i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
