My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
