i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
