I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
