Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
