Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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