Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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