you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
