the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
