Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Randomize
