i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
