And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
