Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
