Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
