So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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