so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
