Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
