i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
